Fun fact. The world didn’t end because of a boy. And I realized God had a much bigger and greater plan.
I’m glad it didn’t work out. And not because I got the guy that I really wanted. No, I realized this before he came back around. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that night when we broke, I asked God what his plan was. He answered my prayers in the next hour when we ended what little we had. And that was that He put Christian in my life to learn how to forgive my ex. To realize that while he hurt me, and I deserved to feel hurt and broken, that I needed to forgive him. I wanted to, but I just didn’t know how to. While Christian and I are much better off as friends or nothing at all (I honestly don’t really care) it’s because of him that I realized that time does heal wounds and while I’m not justifying anything the other asshole ever did, I needed to learn how to forgive him to really move on. And it wasn’t until Christian and I stopped talking that I learned that. I couldn’t be more grateful to God for his plan.
Because I learned how to forgive the asshole, I can fully be myself in a relationship. The man I’m dating now is pretty dang great. He’s funny, he’s the hardest worker, he’s smart, he’s handsome, he seems to be totally into me (lol blushing) and most of all, I can be completely myself around him. I feel like he really understands me, and I hope he feels the same. And he’s the first guy that’s given me actual butterflies. I think that says a lot. I thought I kind of knew what butterflies were, but not until we started dating. Talk about anxiety, giggles, and just plain stomach-flurrying air bubbles of butterflies flying around. Omg. I didn’t know what to do! That doesn’t even explain all of it. I don’t think there is a word to explain how I feel because it’s just so different and perfect. Everything with us is still so fresh, but he’s the kind of guy I’ve wanted for forever. And I’m pretty sure he’s what I need. I’m not trying to glorify the guy or make him into this perfect being – I’m just trying to convey how right this feels. He’s completely awesome.
Oh! And a memory recap for the future since I don’t know where else to put this. On our third date, neither of us had really made a move yet, and we had just sat through a whole movie where I thought he would finally make it, but he never did. I was gonna go home that night defeated until when we’re standing outside the movie theater afterwards and he asks if I wanted to get food. I replied, Um, yeah, sure, if you want to. I didn’t know how the guy felt. This date with this really cute boy was going nowhere because he realized he wasn’t interested. Or so I thought. Until:
I just can’t get a read on you. (Btw, he’s got his arms crossed over his chest and his hand holding his chin, actually really thinking about this. Just to give you a glimpse into what I saw that night.)
Yeah, you know I can usually read people really well, but you, I can’t figure out.
Well what do you mean?
What do I mean? I mean, are you even interested in me?
What? Are you kidding me?? I could ask you the same thing!
What! No way! I’ve been clear!
What are you talking about? I have no idea where you’re at right now! (I’m not sure if these lines are exactly what was said, but the first line definitely was.)
What? For real!
And then he made a super bold move. He grabbed my face and kissed me. Taken by surprise, it took me a second to realize what was happening. Or maybe it didn’t. Maybe I was just shocked he would do something so bold, so attractive. And then I kissed him back.
He pulled away. Better? Is that clear?
I laughed, yeah, that’s better. I think I get it now.
Most perfect first kiss. Ever.
I’m doing something I’ve never done before. I’m finding myself smiling and giggling for no apparent reason at all.